God shows me little things I need to understand the grand scheme of my life. I will never be a raving beauty, a winner or much of a success.
My husband lost his job, I am going to be a grandmother way to early, I will never be able to leave my mother alone for any extended period of time due to her health problems, I am also anxiety ridden, I will never be the skinny mini I once was either.
SOOOOOOOOOOOO, where does this leave me?
It leaves me a solid marriage of 20 years. No matter where my body parts might sag or otherwise, my husband thinks that I am a raving beauty(Did I mention he has a cataract in one eye?) We don't have any bills that his unemployment won't cover. I wish I could have waited a few years to be a grandmother but I find myself excited at the prospect. If only the other (grand)parents would relax and realize that God is in control.
I am praying that my son's actions make my daughters (18 and 12) realize this is NOT the preferred way to go. My son is 20, I am proud that he wants to take his part with this child and not let her parents push him away.
Am I the model of the perfect parent? Are you kidding me? No! I did my best as all parents do. I did my best to try to prepare them for the real world. I didn't control every move they made or every interaction they had because its not healthy and it doesn't teach them. I did, however, try to instill in them that they are to be a light in a dark world. They are to glorify God in everything they do. They are like me, they are sinners and I realize they have to see the world for themselves before they can truly understand the gift of Gods grace. I don't want the actions of some people I respected in the church to disillusion them about God or the church in general. That worries me a lot. My son is 20, if he doesn't fall he won't see who is there when the dust settles. I get that part but its so hard to see and not fix.
I always thought that 20years down the road I would have children going to the college of their choice and full ride scholarships to help them, we would have our lovely 4/2 on a 5 acre sprawl.
Not where I am now. Living with my mother because she can't afford to live on her own and she had the bigger house, a son in college with a girlfriend thats pregnant, daughter about to head to college in the local town because we can't afford the 90k it costs to go to that college, currently no funds coming in wondering what the next week holds in store for us.
Yep, life isn't perfect thats for sure.
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