It's been a while since I've posted, my life has been a roller coaster. It might be a long and bumpy post.
Depression has taken hold of me. I don't know how to let it go this time around.
I've taken medicine for it because I have a problem with it, honestly the medication I was on made things so much worse. I finally told the doctor to ween me off of it because it made me crazy. So now when I get depressed God is my medicine. I start to work on my 'Thank you' notes. When things are at their worst and I am grasping at straws. I'll start the day out with 'Thank You Lord, for letting me see another day. Thank You Lord for the pretty day. Thank You Lord for allowing me this life.' That's just how I work when it comes to being depressed. I try to focus on the positive and things to be thankful and sometimes I'm so bogged down I'll just say 'Thank You for allowing me to live.' that might be the only thing I can muster due to the depression.
He is with me, I know this intellectually, but my brain short circuits and I have a hard time feeling it. I've been dealing with so much stuff, I'm back to being bogged down.
There are some people who are not being as covert as they think they are with how they feel about me. Some people that I thought were the epitome of Christianity that are being vocal about me and my children. Some people that are making me question who my real friends are and if they are my real friends, are they talking to these people? Do they agree with these people? I know that being Christian and having Christian friends doesn't keep you from the pain of relationships. The thing is, its not just a couple of people. I go in to church and have to hear from them every Sunday from the pulpit. It's painful. I just want to cry, actually, I do.
I am thankful for the close friends that don't have know or don't deal with the people hurting me.
I'm thankful for the friends that see my heart and my intentions and know what's true. I am thankful for the friends that can talk me out of a tree(half joking) when family drama threatens to drown me. I think this depression is because of so many outside things picking at me.
Family drama, I hate it but when I get stuck in the middle of it, it makes me crazy.
Judgement of Christians I am supposed to trust. My campus pastor being one.
My mother forgot how to spell my name. I am surprised at how much that hurt.
People that dump things at the last minute in to my lap.(Thank you, Sis in law)
I will probably come back and post more when I get more settled.
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