Rules of Engagement

Its funny how the same conversations come around in different aspects. I remember when I first got married, friends and I would go out for lunch and the conversation would come to marriage and how things were difficult. I was reminded of all those conversations tonight when our neighbor came to chat. This time it was about her daughters marriage and how it was difficult. Same song, different dance. Now we experience this with our children.

When Johnnie came over she was telling us about her daughters difficulty with her in-laws and it drove me to this post.

There are certain rules and things to think about when you enter in to a marriage.

The first thing is that, your blending two houses and two lifestyles together. Even if you marry your bff, things will NOT be perfect. There will be bumps in the road and you will rub each other like sandpaper on occasion but its ok. Just remember, like with wine, everything will get better with time. Time will be longer or shorter depending on how hardheaded you are.

The second thing and it is VERY important! I have shared this countless times. Your parents don't need to know when things happen that are unfair, or when you think he has lost his mind or when you argue. I am telling you this because you will forgive your spouse 9 times out of 10. Anyone who gave birth to you or was ever close to you in anyway, will not. It makes things much harder when you go to visit your parents after you have made up and they don't look at you because they are to busy giving your spouse the stink eye,half crazed look of an axe murderer. (I've seen that look, its not pretty)

Another thing about arguing, discuss the facts about what is happening now. Do not bring up what happened last week, last month or last year. Offenses that cause an argument have a shelf life, the same shelf life of a loaf of bread left out under a hot, humid Texas sky. Do not insult their intelligence, do not shame them or make fun of them. If you want a life partner treat them with respect if you can't at that moment wait a day or two till you calm down. You have heard the myth of 'Don't go to sleep angry.' I think its ok if you do. Because a night of sleep will put things in to perspective and if its a real issue then you will be able to discuss it in a manner which lets you voice your opinion and they will receive it, not like a raving lunatic.(Which ends up getting tuned out and serves no purpose) It's also ok to agree to disagree on most things, money and children are not on the list of acceptable things to disagree about.

Speaking of taking a night to sleep on it, do that with big purchases. If you find yourself wanting something so bad you can't see straight, sleep on it. The next morning you will probably think that is an insane amount of money and you will probably never wear it, drive it, appreciate it. Then you save yourself the money and the hassle of it being more of a burden than a joy.


Don't talk badly about your spouse to anyone, if you want to have the same man for life, don't talk badly about him to his face or to anyone.(This is a slight reference of #2)

If you want the marriage to work, consider yourself less than what you consider your spouse. In order for it to work you sincerely need to do this. Both of you do, if your spouse takes you for granted because you do this then it will explode in his face.

Importantly is both must have a relationship outside of marriage, I am talking about a relationship that is far more intimate, its a relationship with God. He helps keep things in perspective and helps ease the boiling pot of anger when things get frustrating.

This is one of the posts I lost when the computer crashed! Its not complete but at least I found it and will edit it when I get a moment to think out loud.