Satan, You can't have my children!

I am currently reading this book. It is opening my eyes to the way I pray. The scripture that struck me is Romans 4:17 'As it is written: I have made you the father of many nations.'
God gave Abraham hope of things to come.
It was before Issac and Ishmael were born.(I know its not the correct birth order but Ishmael's line gave birth to muslims and was physical reminder of Abraham and Saras lack of faith.)
Both he and Sara were over 100 years old. They both lacked faith. When God presents you with something, where does your faith stand?
I had lost my Bible which made me feel out of sorts, I tried with other bibles but it just wasn't the same.
When Chris was laid off, it struck me how far I had come with my personal faith. I just thought 'Ok God, I can't wait to see you work through this.' (I used to work over time figuring out worst case scenarios on how we would live, picking out cardboard boxes, melodramatic I know but that's how my brain works.) The first month was disappointment in the world but amazement at what God had done by setting us up in such a way to 'make it' on unemployment which is over half less than what he normally makes.
The second month, stress set in. Not in our faith in God but wondering how long we were going to go through this. When Chris' faith would wane, I would step up and vice-versa.
With the third month came doubts, 'Lord, have I done something offensive? Did I miss something? I know I have frustration when it came to my job and how I was let go and the gossip that ensued but I've been honest and asking for help...what did I do wrong?' I also found out I was going to be a grandmother and that the girls parents were wanting my son to go to jail. I started asking more questions and begging forgiveness. I didn't know what I had done.

Then Chris got a job and things started to turn around and I got perspective. God provided for us when we thought it was impossible, God had brought us through this 'desert'. He promised to be there for us and His plans are not to harm us but to prosper us. I lost sight of that for a while.
Its been a few weeks and He is showing me that it was a way to 'grow' my faith.

Becoming a grandmother will be a beautiful gift. No child is born without God's blessing. While the timing is messed up God will use this for His master plan. Maybe it will be part of B and A's testimony. Maybe its to show us that as parents we can only do so much for our children's walk, it has to be a conscious effort on their part to make it fruitful. It may even be used as a way to help forge a fortified bridge where there was just a rope between the two families. Who knows? Certainly not me. God knows, but its up to Him to reveal it in His perfect timing.

My Bible!

I lost my bible a long time ago. I was upset over it. I would use another bible but it wasn't my bible. I found it yesterday and I had to wonder what exactly it was about that particular bible that made me miss it so. Did I idolize it? Did I put more worth in it than others? When I touched the familiar leather saw the faded gold I realized that I didn't idolize it, I just missed it like an old friend.

Flipping through the pages seeing the different ways its been worn, reminded me of what I shared with this particular book. Not only does it hold Gods Word, it holds some of my tears, memories and triumphs.
The tear stains map out struggles in my life, the church split, my dad dying, worry over my children all shown in the round ripples over the scripture.
Some pages are marked with lines, some with stars, church programs with notes furiously written to keep up with the message being spoken to me, all crammed in its pages. A note from my daughter, a book mark given to me by traveling evangelist from the Honduras, a bookmark given to me by one of the kids in my class. All memories that remind me to pray. All things I could live without but so very thankful I don't have to.
Some pages hold memories of reward for waiting on God's timing not my own or of a time of struggle.

All of the pages hold hope for me for showing me how far I have come since I have had the bible. I imagine that it will be retired one day but for now, I'll treasure it like the old friend that it is.

Someone please explain to me....

Can someone please explain to me why or how gossip is the better sin? Sex is a sin, I know that, being gay is a sin, so is vanity, gossip, lying, murder, adultery, gluttony, greed,judgment, etc. What makes someone who thumbs their nose part of Gods word any better than the person who thumbs their nose at any other part of Gods word. I am a sinner, sometimes its gossip, sometimes its lying, sometimes its gluttony, take your pick, I've done all at one time or another. I am not proud of it by any stretch of the imagination. Knowing I am a sinner and recognizing it for what it is keeps me humble.

I do consider myself a work in progress. I can't ever imagine a time when I am not learning. Raising kids is a tricky process. I've raised them in the church, I have tried to lead by example with every thing I do. I am slow to anger and when my children are picked on or gossiped about, I stuff 'momma bear' mode down deep and try to teach them how to rise above it all and try to be godly in everything they do. Sometimes I fail miserably. Teaching them I have learned more about myself in the process.

Some of the hurtful things I have heard about my family and my son has made it very difficult to stuff the 'momma bear' mode. People I have figured as godly people that I thought had 'done it right' where raising children was concerned have been saying some seriously mean and nasty things about my son. They have been gossiping. I think the only difference between the sins of premarital sex and gossip is that you can get caught in a very public way and you can't deny it.
Austin's girlfriend is pregnant. Some of the things his girlfriend has been told is just wrong. Sex is NOT the worst sin in the world. Possibly one of the most hurtful to the parents but not the worst. The denial of Christ is THE worst. People forget that so easily, it makes me wonder where their heart is.

I've been judged as a horrible parent. I've done the best I can. My kids know scripture, they know Christ, they know what miracle has been worked in our lives because He loves us, we have been active in church we have done everything that we know to do. I've walked the walk and talked the talk. I've been honest(much to the dismay of my children) about sex. I've told them about what God says about it and about how we should conduct ourselves but like all kids, there is a part of them that says 'they know better'. I also get that teens are teens. As much as I would love to think that they didn't think of the opposite sex, I know that's not true either. I've done the best and I don't care what others think but they think my kids are horrible. That couldn't be further from the truth and it breaks my heart.

The thing is that when the world judges me, I could care less because I wear the banner of Christ proudly. Mainly though, the world doesn't care. Its the Christian brothers and sisters, some I don't even know that are tearing my family to shreds with their cruel words and judgements.

Thankfully God knows me better than I know myself, He also knows my husband and children and maybe even my mother(A whole different ball of wax). I am thankful that He has also given me the wisdom to know that I am blessed that I have a few friends that I can trust with my life and my children and my heart. I know that they will be there for me and my family through thick and thin which is more precious than gold.

I realize this is a very random post but I am growing weary of defending my kids against gossip mongers and the like.

Thank you Lord!

I have been vocal about my husbands job, he has been without one for over 3 months. God has blessed us profusely and allowed us to tread water and pay all of our bills with unemployment. The blessing is that the unemployment is substantially less than half of what he would normally make and 1/5th of what he made last year.

We have had such a wild ride with this past year and his job. He has had so much overtime that we were able to pay some bills off, pay for over 7 thousand dollars in car maintenance along with other things.

When Chris got laid off, God gave me peace.

We trimmed the fat off of our budget, no Direct TV, no gym, Netflix -streaming only. It might not sound like a miracle but it is very much one. Had this happened at any other time would be drowning with truck notes and everything else.

My friend 'needed' me at the shop more to help pay for stuff(I put the quotes on because I think they were just being kind and allowing me to work some to get a little extra money), extreme couponing caught my attention and has allowed me to cut our grocery bill down to 25 to 50 dollars a week for a family of 6. We had a crazy garage sale in which we went to sell 2 kayaks for 300 and ended up selling them for 450. We also sold the one that we didn't have for sale. While a friend of mine is trying to sell hers cheaper than what we sold ours and hasn't gotten any queries . We started up a little business to keep my husband busy and now we have 3 stores selling Top Knots. Tell me God is not guiding our path and taking care of us! I am just in awe that He still cares about the little things.

Thank you Lord, You have provided for us and given us peace through the process. When we had weak moments You reinforced us. Thank you. Now, can you pretty please show me where my Bible is?

School daze.

The memory haunting me today is a memory of high school, actually of my senior year. I remember during one of the senior meetings a teacher got up and said 'Look around, one of you will be gone within a year, 5 of y'all will be gone within 10 years.' All of us, excited about exiting high school and starting our lives just could not face our mortality. Youth, its the ignorant bliss of thinking you will live forever. I recently saw a list of all in my class who had died. Granted, its been 24years since high school, but there are some memories that are packed up tight, never to be altered. One of those are school friends. They aren't allowed to age much less die. Yet, there I was looking at the list. The first one out of the gate was Troy, I want to say it was 6 months after graduation that he left us. Then the 5 were, Trae, Michelle, Dickey, Lisa and Kim, I can tell you, you can justify your parents dying because its the natural scheme of things that they go before you, waking up to a phone call and not being able to comprehend that the play date is off because you will be attending her funeral is just so surreal.

The day after Kim died, I got the call, I didn't believe it. I was visiting mom and ran to the corner store to get a paper, I saw the paper and screamed. I can't even remember how I got home. We had a play date scheduled for our kids, we talked on the phone a lot, next thing I know I am headed to a viewing, consoling a friend who was the first responder on the scene. I am blessed that Kim's sister and I talk on occasion and are able to share memories but at the same time, I wish she was still here.

I think about my graduation, how we all faced the future with the shiny expectancy of life. Some of us wanted to go to college, some of us just wanted to settle down. It makes you wonder how far in the future they dreamed. Did they dream of kids, of grand kids? Did they just take it 1 day at a time? Did anyone in my class ever look at someone thinking 'This is the last time I will see them.'?

God called them home in various ways; freak accidents, murder, health.. I try to justify that God was saving them from something horrendous then the realization that I don't know or think that most of them were Christians breaks my heart. If they knew that they only had a few months or years left, would they seek refuge in Him? I certainly hope so. I know, I didn't, but I am thankful that God didn't give up on me. Ever so thankful that God wouldn't let go and refused to allow me to skirt the edges and made me become who I am today, His work in progress.

Religion

I caught a show that was on my favorite subject. Religion. If ever I was a groupie for someone it would be the Trinity(No not peppers, onions and celery...the REAL Trinity) I get teary eyed thinking about walking in Jesus footsteps. To go some place be in aw and say 'Wow, Jesus was here!' I really am. I think if I saw where He was crucified my heart would stop. I just honestly can't imagine anything more astounding.(Actually I saw my friends husband sitting on the steps of the actual temple of Ur and thought 'WOW, THE Abraham actually walked right where he is sitting.')

Sorry, chased a rabbit there. The show started out talking about Jesus' temptation in the desert, then it morphed in to all sorts of odd directions, thanks to cable for being cable, I don't know what the show was called. I am quite content to watch this show but being a mom of 3 and a wife to 1laid off electrician as well as a daughter of one seriously buggy woman and I got distracted a few times. I got to see Orthodox Jew's at the wailing wall and envied that part of their life that they are able to go to their homeland and to be able to touch something that means so much. It showed Muslims and I was reminded about how close we parallel each other but are so vastly different.(I'll save that for another post)Then they showed some of the truly scary things. One of them was the minister that bonks people on the head to cast out demons the other thing was the church of Satan.

First, the minister that bonks people on the head. There are several things that alarm me. 1 being that the majority of his parishioners need to be bonked on the head.
Seriously though, sin lives in us. Part of us growing in faith is that we deny that sin, pick up the cross and trust in God. If you get smacked upside the head every time you have a thought that is not godly then you are not learning. You are dependent on someone that is there between the hours of such and such to smack it out of you. You miss the gift of God's grace and the faith that He will help you through it. You miss out on the fact that the Spirit lives within us, we have 2 parts in us that pull to opposite sides; the worldly, sinful self and the part of us that recognizes the gift of God's grace before our mind can comprehend it. I would imagine that you feel faulty after a while of getting smacked on the head. I mean if you were really healed wouldn't you have stopped the thing that requires you to get smacked in the head in the first place? You being dependent on a person like that is dangerous and ultimately a failure because the only 1 steadfast being in your life that you can unequivocally depend on is God/Jesus/Spirit. No man not even a spouse is fail safe like God.
Part of your journey(That I believe is only truly completed when God calls you home) is walking with Him daily, being expectant and my personal misery, waiting on Him to direct you. I am blessed beyond belief and I know that He loves me, He lets me know it. If I relied on a person to let me know it I would be very discouraged. He gives me peace where there is none. What do you do in the middle of the night when you need someone? Usually I pray but sometimes when its particularly bad I use knee mail. When I have a bad thought, I do get them, I ask Him to help me with it. I think if someone smacked me on the head I would have a litany of bad thoughts to hurl at him any given moment. God knows me, why on earth would I go to someone else.

Church of Satan, what I got out of what I saw is that this is an anti religion movement that mocks Christianity(Obviously) and allows people to live fully in the world. Actually to look at them you would imagine them out on the street as rejects from most social aspects trying to gain respect and (in their mind) a legitimate excuse to practice full blown hedonism. They use sex, getting back and general mayhem and destruction to get what they want. I would not be surprised if the one who created this was a Christian whos wiring went haywire. Scary to think but I wouldn't be surprised if this 'religion' grows quickly.

They also touched on the fact that people like Hitler, Dahmer, Manson or any other fruit loop out of the box could be forgiven. I believe that, it took me a very long time to 'get' that because I always wanted an eye for an eye! I have to believe that because if that's not the truth then I am not forgiven and forgiven is the only way to be.

Rules of Engagement

Its funny how the same conversations come around in different aspects. I remember when I first got married, friends and I would go out for lunch and the conversation would come to marriage and how things were difficult. I was reminded of all those conversations tonight when our neighbor came to chat. This time it was about her daughters marriage and how it was difficult. Same song, different dance. Now we experience this with our children.

When Johnnie came over she was telling us about her daughters difficulty with her in-laws and it drove me to this post.

There are certain rules and things to think about when you enter in to a marriage.

The first thing is that, your blending two houses and two lifestyles together. Even if you marry your bff, things will NOT be perfect. There will be bumps in the road and you will rub each other like sandpaper on occasion but its ok. Just remember, like with wine, everything will get better with time. Time will be longer or shorter depending on how hardheaded you are.

The second thing and it is VERY important! I have shared this countless times. Your parents don't need to know when things happen that are unfair, or when you think he has lost his mind or when you argue. I am telling you this because you will forgive your spouse 9 times out of 10. Anyone who gave birth to you or was ever close to you in anyway, will not. It makes things much harder when you go to visit your parents after you have made up and they don't look at you because they are to busy giving your spouse the stink eye,half crazed look of an axe murderer. (I've seen that look, its not pretty)

Another thing about arguing, discuss the facts about what is happening now. Do not bring up what happened last week, last month or last year. Offenses that cause an argument have a shelf life, the same shelf life of a loaf of bread left out under a hot, humid Texas sky. Do not insult their intelligence, do not shame them or make fun of them. If you want a life partner treat them with respect if you can't at that moment wait a day or two till you calm down. You have heard the myth of 'Don't go to sleep angry.' I think its ok if you do. Because a night of sleep will put things in to perspective and if its a real issue then you will be able to discuss it in a manner which lets you voice your opinion and they will receive it, not like a raving lunatic.(Which ends up getting tuned out and serves no purpose) It's also ok to agree to disagree on most things, money and children are not on the list of acceptable things to disagree about.

Speaking of taking a night to sleep on it, do that with big purchases. If you find yourself wanting something so bad you can't see straight, sleep on it. The next morning you will probably think that is an insane amount of money and you will probably never wear it, drive it, appreciate it. Then you save yourself the money and the hassle of it being more of a burden than a joy.


Don't talk badly about your spouse to anyone, if you want to have the same man for life, don't talk badly about him to his face or to anyone.(This is a slight reference of #2)

If you want the marriage to work, consider yourself less than what you consider your spouse. In order for it to work you sincerely need to do this. Both of you do, if your spouse takes you for granted because you do this then it will explode in his face.

Importantly is both must have a relationship outside of marriage, I am talking about a relationship that is far more intimate, its a relationship with God. He helps keep things in perspective and helps ease the boiling pot of anger when things get frustrating.

This is one of the posts I lost when the computer crashed! Its not complete but at least I found it and will edit it when I get a moment to think out loud.